Yeah, God's sweeping Graz aside by means of floods of rain. It's awesome to watch. I just paid nine euros for cigarettes, read one of my old screenplays and listened to Fanta 4 Unplugged. This is my Saturday so far. After a sleepless night due to some fucking toothache and the regular Kultus-imbeciles shouting the night away, I feel kind of sedated. I popped some painkillers. God knows how old they've been, but they're working. Cloud 7 hello?!? Right now I do not really feel the floor underneath me. Laugh out loud.

I don't know how it came about and why but this catchphrase won't back off my mind. "Humor ist wenn man trotzdem lacht." So I've been dumped once more. Funny enough, I've never been dumped so far without being told so. It's just after re-reading certain messages, I can't help but reading in between the lines. Now I read the phrases entirely different and I actually wonder what a dork I was haven't realized the real "message" beyond the letters in the first place. I need some time on my own. I hope you're not cross with me (for me spending the weekend at my parents' place). See you Saturday (in 2032?!?). Sleep well. Kisses. Just a bunch of bloodless phrases, formula worth a shit. I was actually hoping and really believing that Georg really needed time on his own. I guess, after all, I'm the most naive person that ever set foot on this planet. I always see too many good things within people that actually offer more crap than anything else. Now I shall go and bang my head against some hard concrete.

Yesterday something weird happened to me. I was jerking off. Then I had this fit of laughter for no apparent reason. And then I cried out of the blue. All of it within a few minutes. I had no idea whatsoever what was going on. It felt like I was being seized by some higher instance, being no longer in control of myself. In a way, it was scary, but then again it was liberating as well. Maybe I should add that I was thoroughly boozed up. The thing is that I had August come over. He chatted me up on the net and I was like, come over, bring along some beer and be sure to be naked. We had beer as much as the fridge offered, then a few bacardis and plenty of zigs. I was totally surprised what a lovely and charming person he is. I mean, we all know these situations where you see a person that you actually thought you'd know with totally different eyes all of a sudden. This was one of these situations. We dated in January and I was so not interested seeing that he was so introverted and insecure and his beard and his leather trousers and whatnot. Back then, I had a plethora of reasons to turn him down. But now I can't remember a single reason any longer. I was just taken in. Fact is, he's in tune with himself. He's thoughtful but doesn't burst out everything (like I do). He's secretive and mysterious in a good way. Fuck it, he's really fetching and a good listener. And the way he laughs ... makes you feel like you're six years old again. He has got this way of laughing that catches you instantly without even realizing why. It just comes from the heart. There's nothing pretentious about him. He's probably one of the most authentic persons I've met recently. Apart from that, he's hot & steamy. I would've loved to fuck on the kitchen floor. Crazy, hah?! I'm fairly sure we could have, because he still has a little thing for me (just like in January) but I felt wrong in taking advantage of that. I knew it would have been because of Georg. I knew that having sex with August would just be a way of getting my own back on Georg. Or a way of getting over him. It wouldn't have been fair. It wouldn't have been the right thing to do. But it would've been real good. Crap. I'm this gigantic doofus trying to be 'correct' all the time but instead I just mess things up. Ever wanted to get out of your skin and be someone else? Well, meet me at Paper Street ...