thanx, wonderwall ...
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you. By now you should have somehow realized what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now ...
I'm listening to a classic: Wonderwall by Oasis. Christ, I was 15 when that came out. Un-be-lievable. And now I'm 28. What the hell happened? And why'd it go that fast? But I love reminiscing about teenie-stuff. I was such a jerk, a total freak-show with glasses, long hair, learning how to play the guitar just because of good old Kurt Cobain. Shit, now I'm steering towards 30. Am I wiser? More settled? More focused? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? And who the hell cares ;-)
Today was an emotional rollercoaster (once again). In the morning I was totally down cause there's a butthead out there that made me totally panic. And I don't even wanna call names or explain the circumstances. I called my Mum cause I was so desperate. Me crying doesn't happen a lot. But when it does, it actually means something. In the afternoon, however, we talked again and I got back my cool. I acted out a plan and my Mum supported me as she always does. Today was the day when for a few hours I saw my entire life as planned go down the drain. For a few moments I saw myself ending my studies, leaving Graz and going back to where I never ever belonged, a life I do not have any wish to go back to. So if that is not a reason to break down temporarily, well then I don't know what is ... anyhow, things smoothed out. I mean, I have to make changes. No doubt about that but it won't - I repeat it won't - affect what I came to build up so thoroughly. I just have to take care of myself in a way I probably never did throughout my entire life. Mum and I were chatting about that, about her crap-ex-boyfriend, about how vital it is to be careful as to who you let into your life - and who you don't, and about the very fact that I will never forgive her ex what he did to her. Of course, we were laughing as well about her second or even third adolescence at the age of what? 48? I mean she's done so many idiotic things because of his daemonic influence. Today I told her that I was on the verge of naming her a lunatic, too. Because the things she did when she was with him - that's not normal, in no respect whatsoever. And she knows that she'd put me through a lot by being this irresponsible for the last couple of years. We laughed maniacally about the reversal of roles, adult-child-stuff.
Today I also thanked my sweetheart in Schwertberg. But for Birgit I would have done the most stupid thing since bread came sliced, that is giving Georg hell. Fortunately, she talked me out of it and told me (like she always does) to be patient and to not overreact. I really don't know what I'd do without her. And it's always the same. Whenever something's pressing down on me I talk to a lot of people and they basically all say the same. And then there's Birgit - and she never says what all the others say. She always has her own opinion. I actually think she's somewhat psychic. So many things that she advised me to do or restrain from doing, actually came true in the end. She's saved my ass a great deal over the years. Well, I guess that's what true friends are for each other. I mean, I've gone through hell with her when her relationship-near-marriage ended. And she helped me a lot with the whole Thomas-issue last year even though I know she was possibly sick and tired of hearing it, but still she listened to me for hours on end. And the very fact that we're still in such close contact, even though we're hundreds of kilometres apart, is just remarkable. So I'm glad that I sought her advice. It paid off. Georg once again wrote me a message, and this time it was really cute and it really came from his heart. I felt that instantly.
Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. You're gonne be the one that saves me. And after all you're my W-O-N-D-E-R-W-A-L-L ...
I'm listening to a classic: Wonderwall by Oasis. Christ, I was 15 when that came out. Un-be-lievable. And now I'm 28. What the hell happened? And why'd it go that fast? But I love reminiscing about teenie-stuff. I was such a jerk, a total freak-show with glasses, long hair, learning how to play the guitar just because of good old Kurt Cobain. Shit, now I'm steering towards 30. Am I wiser? More settled? More focused? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? And who the hell cares ;-)
Today was an emotional rollercoaster (once again). In the morning I was totally down cause there's a butthead out there that made me totally panic. And I don't even wanna call names or explain the circumstances. I called my Mum cause I was so desperate. Me crying doesn't happen a lot. But when it does, it actually means something. In the afternoon, however, we talked again and I got back my cool. I acted out a plan and my Mum supported me as she always does. Today was the day when for a few hours I saw my entire life as planned go down the drain. For a few moments I saw myself ending my studies, leaving Graz and going back to where I never ever belonged, a life I do not have any wish to go back to. So if that is not a reason to break down temporarily, well then I don't know what is ... anyhow, things smoothed out. I mean, I have to make changes. No doubt about that but it won't - I repeat it won't - affect what I came to build up so thoroughly. I just have to take care of myself in a way I probably never did throughout my entire life. Mum and I were chatting about that, about her crap-ex-boyfriend, about how vital it is to be careful as to who you let into your life - and who you don't, and about the very fact that I will never forgive her ex what he did to her. Of course, we were laughing as well about her second or even third adolescence at the age of what? 48? I mean she's done so many idiotic things because of his daemonic influence. Today I told her that I was on the verge of naming her a lunatic, too. Because the things she did when she was with him - that's not normal, in no respect whatsoever. And she knows that she'd put me through a lot by being this irresponsible for the last couple of years. We laughed maniacally about the reversal of roles, adult-child-stuff.
Today I also thanked my sweetheart in Schwertberg. But for Birgit I would have done the most stupid thing since bread came sliced, that is giving Georg hell. Fortunately, she talked me out of it and told me (like she always does) to be patient and to not overreact. I really don't know what I'd do without her. And it's always the same. Whenever something's pressing down on me I talk to a lot of people and they basically all say the same. And then there's Birgit - and she never says what all the others say. She always has her own opinion. I actually think she's somewhat psychic. So many things that she advised me to do or restrain from doing, actually came true in the end. She's saved my ass a great deal over the years. Well, I guess that's what true friends are for each other. I mean, I've gone through hell with her when her relationship-near-marriage ended. And she helped me a lot with the whole Thomas-issue last year even though I know she was possibly sick and tired of hearing it, but still she listened to me for hours on end. And the very fact that we're still in such close contact, even though we're hundreds of kilometres apart, is just remarkable. So I'm glad that I sought her advice. It paid off. Georg once again wrote me a message, and this time it was really cute and it really came from his heart. I felt that instantly.
Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. You're gonne be the one that saves me. And after all you're my W-O-N-D-E-R-W-A-L-L ...
karma_police - 6. Aug, 23:28
