a force of nature it is ...
It's the most amazing thing when you realize how much life there is all around you. Makes you wonder why there are days when you can't get yourself round to just fucking open your eyes and relish in this plethora of joyful joys. Just shut down your mind, memories and misgivings and instead ... just live. Anyway, I'm kind of happy for lots of people right now, the ones having met someone special abroad, the ones being so vividly in love and enjoying every single minute of it, the ones making a fresh new start whether at uni or at work. I just feel very empathic for'em all. Basically, life isn't complicated. Love isn't complicated. It's us making it complicated. Sometimes I have a hunch that human beings seem to be more able to deal with drama than with happiness. It's as though you're always looking for the downside of what's making you happy, some sort of "catch 22" - whatever it is - whereas with conflict and predicaments, at least you know what to expect roughly. I wonder whether we're all so directed and programmed towards drama that we actually - in some fucked-up subconscious way - create our own drama in order to feel alive in some way or another. I guess it's good old Oscar Wilde who said that happiness can be quite unbearable and it's the hardest thing to relish in some happy moment, something along these lines but I might be mistaken.
The thing is, I'm enjoying the calm before the storm. As of next week uni starts all over again. All that frenzy, all that fake stress but also lots and lots of interesting new people, a whole range of taking personalities (more or less), new courses, seminars, lectures, stuff to learn, homework, papers, exams ... shit, it's all so exciting I just feel like a new-born not knowing what to expect of the world at all. I look forward to our party next week, too. It's gonna be all bitches and pimps all over the place. I just wanna dance, have some interesting pieces of conversation and feel the moments. And to top it all, Georg and I have had this huge, gigantic conversation stretching on for hours, which is not so much astounding as far as I'm concerned but so much more astounding as far as he's concerned. I mean, let's face it, he has other ways to communicate. Actual talk, like opening your mouth and uttering some sounds using your vocal chords, is not something he's that good at. I just realized that there are things within himself that make it really hard for him to open up and click into the matrix. But he's trying. He wants to. It's just that he's his own worst enemy, nevermind the cliché. What really counts is, despite some problems, insecurities and the all-too-familiar inner demons, he's greatly capable of loving. Hell yes, he is. And that's what makes me hang on. That's what makes me love him even more the less he does love himself. And the sex, well ... I often heard people say that sex has its very own power. I heard people say that even though nothing else works ... the sex is awesome, something they cannot possibly give up. Now, Georg and I are not like those people. Not at all. But the thing I can relate to at the moment very, very strongly is that sex on it's own is a powerful force. Oh. My. God. It. Is. We've always been fairly hot, gripping and insatiable as far as sex is concerned, and it's been like that from the very beginning. But whatever happened between the two of us this week was clearly not part of this universe. It was somewhat alien, like from outer space. Maybe the sex was this mind-boggling because we had this longwinded conversation and some kind of reconciliation beforehand, but for the first time in my 28 years on this weird planet I experienced that two bodies coming together is at its very best some sort of a spiritual experience. I'm the first person to acknowledge how stupid this might sound, but I was actually stepping out of my own body and watching the two of us become one entity. I've never had anything that intense and larger-than-life. And I know that it has a lot to do with me finally stopping to keep a tight reign. I've always been rather dominant by nature, grabbing control and communicating where to go and what to do. Now that I stopped doing that and let Georg have his way of creating I got this present I will possibly remember for the rest of my life. Jesus Christ. Had I known that giving up control over everything is actually liberating and this greatly rewarding, I would've done it way earlier, damnit ;-) And I don't care whether writing this down makes it sound like cheap porn or totally commonplace. I know it for what it was and that's all that matters. Experiencing yourself in every possible aspect along with someone by your side. And that's just about it. Amen.
The thing is, I'm enjoying the calm before the storm. As of next week uni starts all over again. All that frenzy, all that fake stress but also lots and lots of interesting new people, a whole range of taking personalities (more or less), new courses, seminars, lectures, stuff to learn, homework, papers, exams ... shit, it's all so exciting I just feel like a new-born not knowing what to expect of the world at all. I look forward to our party next week, too. It's gonna be all bitches and pimps all over the place. I just wanna dance, have some interesting pieces of conversation and feel the moments. And to top it all, Georg and I have had this huge, gigantic conversation stretching on for hours, which is not so much astounding as far as I'm concerned but so much more astounding as far as he's concerned. I mean, let's face it, he has other ways to communicate. Actual talk, like opening your mouth and uttering some sounds using your vocal chords, is not something he's that good at. I just realized that there are things within himself that make it really hard for him to open up and click into the matrix. But he's trying. He wants to. It's just that he's his own worst enemy, nevermind the cliché. What really counts is, despite some problems, insecurities and the all-too-familiar inner demons, he's greatly capable of loving. Hell yes, he is. And that's what makes me hang on. That's what makes me love him even more the less he does love himself. And the sex, well ... I often heard people say that sex has its very own power. I heard people say that even though nothing else works ... the sex is awesome, something they cannot possibly give up. Now, Georg and I are not like those people. Not at all. But the thing I can relate to at the moment very, very strongly is that sex on it's own is a powerful force. Oh. My. God. It. Is. We've always been fairly hot, gripping and insatiable as far as sex is concerned, and it's been like that from the very beginning. But whatever happened between the two of us this week was clearly not part of this universe. It was somewhat alien, like from outer space. Maybe the sex was this mind-boggling because we had this longwinded conversation and some kind of reconciliation beforehand, but for the first time in my 28 years on this weird planet I experienced that two bodies coming together is at its very best some sort of a spiritual experience. I'm the first person to acknowledge how stupid this might sound, but I was actually stepping out of my own body and watching the two of us become one entity. I've never had anything that intense and larger-than-life. And I know that it has a lot to do with me finally stopping to keep a tight reign. I've always been rather dominant by nature, grabbing control and communicating where to go and what to do. Now that I stopped doing that and let Georg have his way of creating I got this present I will possibly remember for the rest of my life. Jesus Christ. Had I known that giving up control over everything is actually liberating and this greatly rewarding, I would've done it way earlier, damnit ;-) And I don't care whether writing this down makes it sound like cheap porn or totally commonplace. I know it for what it was and that's all that matters. Experiencing yourself in every possible aspect along with someone by your side. And that's just about it. Amen.
karma_police - 2. Okt, 23:04
