I am constantly listening to Clint Mansell's "Together We Will Live Forever." It's the departing track from the score of "The Fountain." It's classical piano music and it's washing through me like an ocean of time. Words do not suffice to describe the emotionality of those sparse tunes striking the most sensitive chord within me. It's so beautiful. I can't stop listening. "The Fountain" is a very impressive flick by Darren Aronofsky. It's about the transition of souls from one incarnation to the next. There's three storylines. In the first one Hugh Jackman & Rachel Weisz are Conquistatore & the Spanish Queen. He's about to concquer a Mayian Pyramid where the tree of life is supposed to be, a tree that awards anyone who finds it with eternal life. The second storyline takes place in the present where she is about to die of cancer and he's a doctor who's on the verge of discovering a cure for it. But he fails. She dies. In the third storyline he's bald, living on a small planet and she's transformed into this gigantic tree. They are talking to each other, but again she (the tree) dies. Writing all of this down might make it sound a little ludicruous but the movie is actually awe-inspiring. The images are mind-boggling, like paintings in an exhibition you cannot stop staring at. In the end the Jackman-character conquers his ultimate fear, that of dying once and for all. But he returns to his Conquistatore-incarnation, defeats the guard of the Mayian Pyramid and finally discovers the tree of life. He drinks its blood - and all of a sudden he becomes a tree himself. And in some spiritual sense he is finally reunited with Rachel. I was on the verge of tears myself. It somehow made me think about the so-called relationships in my life, and it made me realize that none of them was even close to something like spiritual kinship. In essence, most of my relationships were full of ego, power-struggles, cross-purposes, of course sex but ... I really do long for my share of Jack-&-Rachel. There has to be someone who carries the near-similar soul in his chest with just a different body encorpsing it. But I'm afraid I haven't yet met this person, this soul. And it makes my heart really ache and I feel guilty saying so but Georg is not that soul either. He is not. I don't feel it. There's a widening gap between us already, so I don't know what to make of him. He's already withdrawing from me. We haven't seen each other for 10 days now. He makes out that he needs time on his own. Well, I would love to be able to believe that. I would love to believe it's just that. But it's not. And I for one get away from him with each day passing by, too. Maybe there's a chance after his holidays. When he's all freshed up. A chance to get closer in a sense of entering the next stage. Because if we do not reach that stage I'd rather be single again instead of watching myself being taken advantage of. I'm too proud and too good for that. Period.