Right now I feel like Pogo and Didi in Beckett's "Waiting for Godot." My personal Godot is Georg. I'm waiting for some commitment on his part. But what he's doing is that he kind of ignores me or only re-acts to what I'm offering. No acting, just re-acting. No initiative on his part whatsoever. No making it plain & simple that he wants to spend some time together. No sign of missing me. Nothing. The last two weekends I felt like being single all over again. He preferred to spend his time back home with his family. Not that he would tell me so, he simply does it. If I wouldn't call him I wouldn't even know. And he's totally unreliable, saying we'll meet this day but then postpones it again for some unfathomable reason. It's almost like he's trying to get out of my way. And to top it all, we were meant to be seeing each other last Friday in the Postgarage. I was contacting him over and over again. But he didn't feel like reacting. Today I get to learn that he was on the second floor, just about a few metres apart from me and he didn't feel the slightest whiff of coming over. I mean what am I? Some piece of garbage you can kick around? Wasn't I supposed to be his boyfriend? You don't treat someone you professedly love like thin air, do you? As of late, I'm having a strong feeling which goes like this: my love for him is way bigger than vice versa. It's sad but true. We haven't seen each other for a week and I seem to be the only one objecting to that. He's making plans with friends going climbing but it does not occur to him to maybe like make plans with me?! I really feel like being punched in the belly. And I'm sad and hurt. And to be honest: I deserve better than that. Way better, buddy. I'm pissed in a big way. Funny thing is, he's asking me "Are you pissed?" - Oh, look who's figuring out what's going on. The bad thing is, I start to get sarcastic, losing the will to even talk about it. I mean, he's the one claiming that he's all so sensitive and feeling the slightest vibes. Now feel this, you moron. Fact of the matter is, that for the last two weeks he's been giving me more negative feelings than positive ones, which is clearly not the purpose of being together. Why doesn't he get it on his own? Why do I have to approach him and tell him "Hey, this and that is not going that well." Why me? I'm sick and tired of being the "grown-up" and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm not Groucho Marx. I should be happy, right?

As harsh as it sounds, but right now I feel like the last three months have been this major waste of time. I'm sorry for feeling like this but I can't help it ...