Saturday. September 27th, 2008. Rosy-Party at Dom im Berg. Oh, how I was looking forward to that. At first, we were drinking ahead at Andi's flat. About 15 people having some pre-party. Andi's sister and his other girls are actually quite nice. Oliver was wasted right away, dancing like a professional. Georg and his friends were joining us, too. As did Rita and her lesbian friend Eva. It was all fun until I kissed Rita. Even though I pretended that nothing had happened, it all went downhill from there. But here's the background story. Couple a days before Georg and I were getting drunk at the Café Ritter. It was there when he told me that he'd actually be interested in watching me kiss some other guy. He said he'd love to know how that would feel for him. Would he get jealous or not? I was like struck by lightening and was actually considering being hard of hearing or something. And then he said that maybe I was too "available" for him. Two bombs that struck me instantly. So in a subconscious kind of way I followed suit what he came up with. It's just so typically me that I did not exactly do as he thought of. Kissing a girl was nothing he saw coming at all. The rest of the night he ignored me, refused to be touched much less be kissed. So, yes, he was jealous like mad. Admittedly, I was drunk as a lord and continued provoking him when I danced with some guy who I got to know at the Postgarage couple of weeks beforehand. Of course, all of this was a complete set-up. I wasn't interested in that guy - Dimitrie - at all. He was cute but young and not much more. I just instrumentalized him in orchestrating my plans of making Georg fume. Which is, if you look at it from a sober perspective ... totally idiotic. I'm an imbecile and I don't know what I was doing. Georg didn't react directly but he kept dancing behind me and Dimitrie and Dimitrie told me that he was watching us all the time. Then we exchanged phone numbers and pretended to be going home together. Oh, there was one scene when Georg cheaply tried to pass the ball back to me by dancing by with a girl as if saying "I can have girls as much as you can if only I want to." which was totally ridiculous. I mean, we are so gay, both of us couldn't possibly be any more gay, hello?! This whole evening never was about girls or cheating. It was about getting Georg to realize that I am just not as "available" as he thinks I am. I don't have to be with him. I am not the one who's incapable of staying alone. I am not the one who's unable to express emotions or talk sense about the relevant things in a relationship. So, I'm not proud of what I did. Strictly speaking, this whole incident was bullshit. But it's him who made me be a bitch. It's him who wanted to realize what he feels for me. I was just helping him in realizing. Now it's time to wait for the upshot. Maybe the next few days without any contact will do us some good, help him in getting to grips. Because honestly, I know what I want. I want him big time. I want Georg. And no one else. And maybe, just maybe Georg realizes what's behind the old saying "Be careful what you wish for ..."