the days ending 2008
"I'm not mad at you, I'm just not ready."
Susan Sarandon in "Moonlight Mile." I feel so much like that character she's portraying in this film, this writer suffering from a writer's block, a dry alcoholic missing her dead daughter, sensing the truth about her daughter but being afraid to tell. Seeing the simple plane, we don't have that much in common. It's just her way of dealing that seems familiar.
Anyway, I had a great New Year's Eve. I was spending my time at Andi's flat. We were getting drunk as fast as it can get, and we planned on going to that party at the Postgarage. However, Andi persuaded me otherwise, so we ended up at the Stargayte, my least favourable locale. But ... it was fun, fun, fun. I was given a few looks, we danced it up, I met Michael, Lexi, Tommi and this priest-guy I dated months ago, plus a few other familiar faces. It was really great, not unique for a New Year's Eve, spending your time at a gay bar, but hugely funny nonetheless. I was having the best time but unfortunately Andi was already totally wasted so we went straight home to his place at around 4 am. Still, I lost my jacket and also dreaded to have lost my keys, too. My keys showed up, the jacket didn't. Funny thing that Andi and I were sharing a bed - again. But to me this is totally okay, seeing that we have become really good friends and can talk a lot. We were talking busloads of nonsense, plenty of fake-fliratious stuff ... point is: we had a blast. Probably one of the best New Year's Eves ever.
Another thing, and this is really gonna be a to-be-continued-story with hopefully plenty of sequels to follow: I met someone on Sunday. He chatted me up on the internet, wanted to know what my line was all about and I invited him over, that's how trustful I considered him to be. And I was not, so not disappointed. The line he caught upon was "a soulmate is this one person that forces you the most to grow and become your true self." He was totally into that and I was happy to explain that the line was stolen from Six Feet Under. And this is what we watched while having a few beers and zigs. I don't wanna sound corny or something but we really hit it off instantly. We were like talking for hours on end, not really watching the TV-screen. The images were just passing us by while we delved into each other. I talked a lot about myself, the usual stuff when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. I had the strong feeling he knew exactly what I was talking about. And I knew without further ado what he was talking about. I really don't want this to sound too struck with love or something but this was special in all kinds of ways.
His name is Aaron, by the way. He's 31 years old, he took a year off his studies in order to write a novel in Hebraic and he's about to finish his studies in philosophy (hello? philosophy, do I have to say anything else?!). He constantly looked me in the eyes while I was talking - and I was talking a lot. And I was kind of struck by his eyes, too. I guess, his were the warmest, most fundamental eyes I have had the pleasure to look into. There are not that many people out there who actually radiate with the most pleasurable stillness and warmth protruding from their every pore. But Aaron is one of those rare guys. He made me feel so comfortable. Amazing. Amazing. It's almost unfeasible to put into words. I have never experienced somebody like him. He's not special in the kinda way as Stefan was, or Martin, or Dimi or Georg, for that matter. He's like from an entirely different planet. He's like no-one I have ever had the chance to meet. He refuses to be put into any drawers. He's not from this world. And this is fact, not some teenie-magazine-crush-bullshit. Aaron is unbelievably sensitive. You can instantly feel that. But not in a hyper-sensitive sense, it's not phoney at all. It's genuine and austere and child-like at the same time. Anyhow, he keeps sending me text messages, and we've been on the phone for several times now. On Tuesday, he invited me over for coffee which then turned out to be some Persian special tea. Again, we were lingering on the couch, listening to each other. This is actually the first person in my life that really knows how to listen to somebody without having your ego interfere every once in a while. He's like so balanced, I'm in total awe of that. And here's the really sweet part: we were sitting on the couch, both cross-legged, directed towards each other and in the middle of us was this plate with this special sort of peanuts. He kept unfolding them and handing them to me, piece by piece. And every time he reached one piece to me, he made sure to touch my hand. This was like the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me. This gesture says it all. It says more than words could describe who Aaron is, what kind of soul he inhabits. Other people might think this is totally irrelevant or just stuff, but to me it was the most delightful thing someone I hardly know could do. Yesterday I sent him this text message saying "Happy New Year" in Hebraic, which is like "Shana Tova U'metuka." Calling him today, he was like totally mesmerized for my having found out what it means. I was just replying that Google is a marvellous thing :-) He laughed.
Ok, I admit. I have no idea how something like this is possible. I mean on Sunday I was fretting about Georg, and hours later everything between Georg and me was like ... blown away. So irrelevant. All my thoughts all of a sudden seemed to disperse into thin air. So now I'm outta love and kinda having a tiny crush, yes. I always thought this is some kind of contradiction. Now I know better :-)
Susan Sarandon in "Moonlight Mile." I feel so much like that character she's portraying in this film, this writer suffering from a writer's block, a dry alcoholic missing her dead daughter, sensing the truth about her daughter but being afraid to tell. Seeing the simple plane, we don't have that much in common. It's just her way of dealing that seems familiar.
Anyway, I had a great New Year's Eve. I was spending my time at Andi's flat. We were getting drunk as fast as it can get, and we planned on going to that party at the Postgarage. However, Andi persuaded me otherwise, so we ended up at the Stargayte, my least favourable locale. But ... it was fun, fun, fun. I was given a few looks, we danced it up, I met Michael, Lexi, Tommi and this priest-guy I dated months ago, plus a few other familiar faces. It was really great, not unique for a New Year's Eve, spending your time at a gay bar, but hugely funny nonetheless. I was having the best time but unfortunately Andi was already totally wasted so we went straight home to his place at around 4 am. Still, I lost my jacket and also dreaded to have lost my keys, too. My keys showed up, the jacket didn't. Funny thing that Andi and I were sharing a bed - again. But to me this is totally okay, seeing that we have become really good friends and can talk a lot. We were talking busloads of nonsense, plenty of fake-fliratious stuff ... point is: we had a blast. Probably one of the best New Year's Eves ever.
Another thing, and this is really gonna be a to-be-continued-story with hopefully plenty of sequels to follow: I met someone on Sunday. He chatted me up on the internet, wanted to know what my line was all about and I invited him over, that's how trustful I considered him to be. And I was not, so not disappointed. The line he caught upon was "a soulmate is this one person that forces you the most to grow and become your true self." He was totally into that and I was happy to explain that the line was stolen from Six Feet Under. And this is what we watched while having a few beers and zigs. I don't wanna sound corny or something but we really hit it off instantly. We were like talking for hours on end, not really watching the TV-screen. The images were just passing us by while we delved into each other. I talked a lot about myself, the usual stuff when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. I had the strong feeling he knew exactly what I was talking about. And I knew without further ado what he was talking about. I really don't want this to sound too struck with love or something but this was special in all kinds of ways.
His name is Aaron, by the way. He's 31 years old, he took a year off his studies in order to write a novel in Hebraic and he's about to finish his studies in philosophy (hello? philosophy, do I have to say anything else?!). He constantly looked me in the eyes while I was talking - and I was talking a lot. And I was kind of struck by his eyes, too. I guess, his were the warmest, most fundamental eyes I have had the pleasure to look into. There are not that many people out there who actually radiate with the most pleasurable stillness and warmth protruding from their every pore. But Aaron is one of those rare guys. He made me feel so comfortable. Amazing. Amazing. It's almost unfeasible to put into words. I have never experienced somebody like him. He's not special in the kinda way as Stefan was, or Martin, or Dimi or Georg, for that matter. He's like from an entirely different planet. He's like no-one I have ever had the chance to meet. He refuses to be put into any drawers. He's not from this world. And this is fact, not some teenie-magazine-crush-bullshit. Aaron is unbelievably sensitive. You can instantly feel that. But not in a hyper-sensitive sense, it's not phoney at all. It's genuine and austere and child-like at the same time. Anyhow, he keeps sending me text messages, and we've been on the phone for several times now. On Tuesday, he invited me over for coffee which then turned out to be some Persian special tea. Again, we were lingering on the couch, listening to each other. This is actually the first person in my life that really knows how to listen to somebody without having your ego interfere every once in a while. He's like so balanced, I'm in total awe of that. And here's the really sweet part: we were sitting on the couch, both cross-legged, directed towards each other and in the middle of us was this plate with this special sort of peanuts. He kept unfolding them and handing them to me, piece by piece. And every time he reached one piece to me, he made sure to touch my hand. This was like the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me. This gesture says it all. It says more than words could describe who Aaron is, what kind of soul he inhabits. Other people might think this is totally irrelevant or just stuff, but to me it was the most delightful thing someone I hardly know could do. Yesterday I sent him this text message saying "Happy New Year" in Hebraic, which is like "Shana Tova U'metuka." Calling him today, he was like totally mesmerized for my having found out what it means. I was just replying that Google is a marvellous thing :-) He laughed.
Ok, I admit. I have no idea how something like this is possible. I mean on Sunday I was fretting about Georg, and hours later everything between Georg and me was like ... blown away. So irrelevant. All my thoughts all of a sudden seemed to disperse into thin air. So now I'm outta love and kinda having a tiny crush, yes. I always thought this is some kind of contradiction. Now I know better :-)
karma_police - 1. Jan, 22:29
