Learning is complete & utter mindfuck. Right now I'm like what the hell do I need that to learn when I'll be pulling off my own thing later anyway?!? This semester it's really tough but I've got no-one to blame, it's me who took all these courses and seminars and lectures - and fuck you decently ... I really seem to be a little out of sorts with all the data and paper-writing on my mind. Cheeezuz!

Finally got my scholarship. Yessir. And I finally got round to make the bureaucratic stuff for the change to the bachelor/master curriculum. Still too many things to do even though I already cancelled one seminar. And I got this idea for a bachelor paper in literary studies, having a look at several utopias, such as 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World and stuff. Not quite original but highly interesting to me. Utopias & Dystopias. Yessir (again).

What else is there to say? Basically a lot. I look forward to seeing Mr. L again on Sat. I'm like this pathetically horny these days and as of late I seem to be egotistical enough to just pull off things like these. What with all the drastic learning I feel really entitled to some pleasure and chill-out time. Use people for my own desires. That's just it. No reason. No explaining. No construction of future in that respect. I'm like so into seeing that guy nude and basically jump his bones *gg* Some porn re-enactment ... on a side-note, yesterday while sitting in that social psychology lecture I was so bored out of my mind that I browsed through old text messages on my cell. Big mistake. Cause stupid me happened to have a look at one of the photographs of Georg. There is one that I cannot delete from my cell. Don't know why. I mean, quality-wise the pic is like really low-key but ... it's showing him, damnit. Kinda sentimentally flashed I also read the one text message that I kept. Big mistake, the sequel. Fortunately, I had another seminar right after social psych, so I had no mind to dig into the feeling of ... whateva it is. I don't wanna downplay it, but I'm somewhat Mr. Jekyll & Hyde. The major part in me really doesn't wanna see him again. Not now, not soon, not for the next 15 years, or so. The other part is uncertain about him. Not that I want to pick up the thread where we left it - no way. Didn't work out then, won't work out now. But still, there is a grain of "but" ... I don't know what it is, I'm fucking clueless here. And honestly, it pisses me off to have that ... thing, memory, recollection, emotion, feeling, self-pity, longing ... tell me ...

By the way, this is the maid speaking :-) quote Fairuza Balk in "Almost Famous" - she's hilarous ...